The Secret Shoulds

Our sweet granddaughters stayed with us while their mom attended orientation for her new nursing job. Ivy, 8 months old and Daisy, 7 years old.

Needless to say, I got next to nothing done with my business.

My focus was exactly where it needed to be — on the girls.

Even so, by the end of the week, I felt behind. My to-do list had grown longer, my schedule had been interrupted, and I could feel the pressure building.

Today, I was planning to go for a walk. Instead, I decided to spend the afternoon gardening.

It’s what I truly wanted to do.

As I worked in the yard, I found myself digging, lifting heavy containers, repotting plants, and walking back and forth across the garden. I was moving my body, enjoying the sunshine, and feeling a sense of accomplishment.

Yet there was a quiet voice in the background telling me I should be doing something else.

That’s when I realized what was happening.

The “shoulds” were there.

Not the obvious shoulds.

The sneaky “secret shoulds” that linger in the background.

The ones that quietly lurk beneath the surface of our thoughts.

You should be catching up on work.

You should be following your schedule.

You should be getting more done.

Years ago, someone introduced me to a simple but powerful idea:

Replace “should” with “choose.”

Today, I chose to garden.

I also chose to do something I didn’t have the opportunity to do while the girls were here.

The moment I reframed it as a choice, the guilt began to disappear.

I’ve come to believe that secret shoulds can rob us of joy. They create guilt, anxiety, and internal conflict. They pull us away from the present moment and make us question decisions that are perfectly aligned with what we truly need.

The secret shoulds create incoherence.

Our thoughts say one thing.

Our heart says another.

And we feel the tension between the two.

But when we consciously choose, something shifts.

We move back into alignment.

We return to coherence.

As I stood in the shower reflecting on the day, I felt grateful.

Grateful for the week spent with my granddaughters.

Grateful for the afternoon in the garden.

Grateful that I recognized those “secret shoulds” for what they were.

And grateful that I found my way back to coherence.

Sometimes living the ProAge Smart Life isn’t about doing more.

Sometimes it’s simply about choosing what matters most and being fully present with that choice.